When
you are a survivor of any form of sexual abuse, whether
it is incest, molestation, marital rape, clergy sexual
assault, date rape, or prostitution there are many aftereffects.
These may manifest in your life in any combination of
ways. Think of these behaviors as a constellation of symptoms
that until now you might not have been aware of. Eventually,
these symptoms create a full-blown syndrome, or disease.
This is most commonly referred to: Post-Traumatic Stress
Disorder (PTSD).
We
believe that some, if not all of these behaviors served
to distract you from your pain regarding the sexual abuse
you endured. Together we will work to uncover, discover,
and discard the symptoms that no longer serve or empower
us.
There
are nearly 100 possible aftereffects that might be related
to your personal history as a survivor. We recommend that
you use the checklists and create an inventory of the
symptoms that apply to you. This is a personal journey,
we are on a spiritual path, and there is no right or wrong
way to approach this process. Remember, your recovery
journey is just that -- YOURS! Recovery is a path; it
is a journey, and not a destination.
After
you check off the aftereffects that pertain to you, go back
and create an inventory of each item. Write about how each
symptom has affected your life.
Problems
with setting boundaries around who you are
It
is difficult for you to know what you are feeling
No
belief in one’s own basic human rights; as if we have
grown so accustomed to abuse that it seems normal to us
Difficulty
in claiming our own Voice, our God-given right to protect
and defend our own best interests
Issues
with space such as feeling suddenly claustrophobic, or nervous
when someone gets too close
Easily
startled, or flinching when someone attempts to touch or
move towards us
Taking
dangerous high-risks without concern for consequences
Fear of losing control
If you were not abused as badly as others, you may experience
“survivor guilt"
You
at times feel guilty for pleasurable emotions such as happiness,
as if you somehow do not deserve it
Desire
to change one’s name (to disassociate from the perpetrator
or to take control through self-labeling)
Stealing
(adults); stealing and starting fires (children)
Fear
of being along in the dark, of sleeping alone, nightmares,
night terrors, especially of pursuit, threat, entrapment
Swallowing
and gagging sensitivity
Alienation
from the body. Not at home in body
A
feeling that our bodies do not belong to us so we do not
listen to body signals
A
failure to take care of our health and/or personal hygiene
(lack of self-care)
Poor
body image
Wearing
a lot of clothing to avoid sexual attention
Eating
disorders, (excessive over-eating, or dieting, anorexia,
bulimia)
Drug
or alcohol abuse
Compulsive
shopping and debiting; inability to spend or save money
appropriately
Sex
and love addictions
Obsessive/compulsive
behaviors that serve to medicate our personal pain
Self-destructiveness;
self-mutilation or self-abuse (Cutting, burning, pulling
hair out, banging head against wall)
Phobias
Need
to be invisible; perfect, or perfectly bad
Multiple
personality disorder
Suicidal
thoughts, attempts, obsession
Passive
suicide (no real will to live)
Depression
(sometimes paralyzing)
Difficulty
with recognizing, owning or expressing anger
Rageaholism
(constant uncontrolled anger)
Splitting
(depersonalization) going into shock, shutdown in crisis,
numbing
Feeling
watched
Trust
issues: inability to trust, or trusting indiscriminately
High
risk taking, or inability to take risks
Boundary
issues; control, power, fear of losing control
Blocking
out some period of early years (especially 1-12) or a specific
person or place
Feeling
of carrying an awful secret. Both a desire to tell this
secret, and a concurrent fear of the secret being revealed;
certainty that no one will listen; fear of not being believed;
being generally secretive
Self-labeling
that is a result of feeling marked (Everyone knows I’m
not a virgin, “I’m no-good,” “A whore”
or, “I’m a slut, a piece of trash, dirty, worthless…”
Feeling
crazy; feeling different
Believing
that everyone’s existence is valid; however, we are
a phony
Creating
a fantasy world, relationships, or identities
Denial:
no awareness at all; repression of memories, pretending,
minimizing, having dreams or memories (maybe it’s my
imagination)
Strong,
deep negative reactions to a person, place, or event, sensory
flashes (a light, a place, a physical feeling) without a
sense of their meaning
Being
aware of, or remembering the surroundings where abuse occurred,
but not the actual event
